she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
