i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize