Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
