I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
