Plan B is the new Plan A
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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