i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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