A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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