Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He did a backflip because drugs
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