Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
