whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
