I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
