Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
4 words: hood of his car
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
