kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
