ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
