oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
