I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
