I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
