We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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