Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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