You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So here I am, sexting at work.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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