My friends, they love my intelligence
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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