i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
