I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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