Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
