It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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