i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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