We're facebook friends in real life
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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