Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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