The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
