you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
