we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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