Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
