I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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