Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
