Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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