maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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