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I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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