im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
