It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
