People with herpes should wear stickers.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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