u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
