I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
