Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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