just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
