when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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