my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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