That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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