I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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