His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
