You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
