I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
