You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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