I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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