Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
