I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
