Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
