You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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