Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
