your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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