I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
