i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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