I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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