3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
