There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
