i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
