I'm gonna have a badass scar
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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