If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize